This is my life story, well, at least the major events that come to mind. There are aspects of my life that I have either blocked out or chosen not to remember. When I was about 5 years old, my grandfather on my mother’s side started molesting me. It went on for a while, and I vividly remember crying to my mom, begging her not to make me go back there one weekend. In response, she looked at me and asked if my grandfather was touching me. I mustered the courage to say yes, hoping for support. To my dismay, she told me that my grandfather was sick and that I needed to support him. She continued to send me to his house every weekend until I turned 8, when he passed away.
At the age of twelve, a traumatizing incident occurred. I was raped at a school basketball game by a high school student. My mother’s solution to this was to move us to another state. Unfortunately, that didn’t shield me from more pain. At 14 years old, I was gang-raped at a party and ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. Thankfully, the police came, and the men responsible were arrested and charged. However, on the day of the court hearing, before I took the stand, something happened. I can’t recall the specifics, but my mom said something so terrifying that it coerced me out of testifying. Because of that, the adult perpetrator walked away free. I distinctly remember the furious look my dad gave my mom. He was so angry, while she callously said, “what would the people say.” It was a devastating blow.
Tragedy struck again when I was 15 years old. I lost my father to suicide. Shockingly, my mom and sister blamed me for his death and gave me up to the state, making me an orphan. From that point, I bounced from foster home to foster home, eventually ending up in a group home until I turned 18. Desperate and lost, I fell into a dangerous cycle. I became addicted to drugs, involved in drug trafficking, and landed in prison for prostitution and promoting prostitution. My relationships were plagued by violence and abuse. When I turned 18, I had a significant sum of money, but I squandered it within three months, buying cars, clothes, and whatever people desired. The moment I went broke, I realized I had no true friends. Everyone vanished.
In a desperate attempt to find a sense of belonging, I got involved with a Mexican drug cartel. I immersed myself in their world, learning fluent Spanish. Tragically, I ended up being kidnapped and remained missing until the FBI located me eight months later. They discovered me chained up to a bed, on the brink of death. After spending five months rehabilitating in an Iowa hospital, I was finally returned home.
I tried to pick up the fragments of my old life in Nashville but found my mind plagued by fear. Crack cocaine addiction took hold of me, leading me down a path of homelessness and prostitution. I suffered multiple rapes and endured daily beatings. However, one day, amidst the darkness, I woke up and decided I couldn’t bear this life anymore. It was a turning point.
With newfound determination, I moved to New York, not knowing a soul, and rented a room in someone’s house. This became my home for three or four years until I transitioned to another room in a different family’s house. I repeated this pattern a few times before finally having a place of my own. Seeking solace, I spent a year and a half in Puerto Rico. Unfortunately, even there, I faced an abusive boyfriend who threatened to kill me if I dared to leave him, despite his infidelity. During our time together, he constantly belittled and demeaned me, attacking my self-esteem with insults about my weight, age, and intelligence. Eventually, I made the difficult decision to return to Tennessee.
My life has been a series of unimaginable hardships and painful experiences. From the abuse I suffered as a child to the trauma of rape and the loss of my father, I have faced more than anyone should have to endure. The path I walked led me down dark and dangerous roads, filled with addiction, crime, and violence. But amidst the darkness, I found a glimmer of hope. I made the decision to break free from the cycle of abuse and rebuild my life. With sheer determination, I ventured into the unknown, finding solace in new places and pursuing education to empower myself. Now, as I share my story, I am studying for my Master’s degree in human services, driven by a deep desire to help others who have faced similar struggles. I refuse to let the past define me, and I am committed to making a positive impact in the lives of others. My journey has been long and tumultuous, but it has also shown me the strength and resilience that resides within me.
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